Chapter 2: Too Little, Too Late
Gather 'round children, for now you will hear the second chapter in the yale of Darren McQueen. It all started when Darren was at his B.F.F.'s condo, Tom Sellick. As usual Tom was grooming his maelstrom-like moustache with his great pink novelty comb, because that's all that is large enough for his big burly stache.Whilst in Mid stroke, a flash of lightning cascaded through the decadent trough that was his atrium shattering Tom Sellick's priceless stainglass mural of Darren McQueen slaying the Dwarven-elves during the midland crisis. As the smoke cleared, 'cause they threw a smoke-grenade (that makes lightning), our heroes gazed upon the unholy site of Steven Seagal and Chuck Norris. Filled with an unbridled fury, unmatched, even by the gods (the angry ones), Darren approached with comb in hand, ready to give a whoopin' to Steven and Chuck, only to be met with dissapointment for steven spouted off in desperation "Cheese it!" and they fled to Michael Keaton's (Batman), Batmobile. Darren and Tom followed for what seemed like minutes, only to arrive atop the famed seattle space needle. There stood Steven and Chuck and with a mighty roar, Tom yelled "FIX MY GLASS STAINED MURAL, YOU FIEND!" In a blinding rage Steven and Chuck yell " YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN STATE FARM INSURANCE!" And in another smoke-filled flash they formed together to become Jack Nicholson (The Joker). With the smoke cleared, YET AGAIN tears of sorrow ran down Michael Keaton's eyes as he went into an uncontrollable rampage up the space needle and with all of his Batman skills, he kicked the Joker, with a kick more mighty than that of Zues' thunderbolt (2x). In a blazing flash of light the Joker was teleported atop Old Faithful protected by a tacky green celophane shield in with to do battle with Darren and Tom. Realizing that his efforts were in vain Michael Keaton became a prisoner of his own fears and doubts and fled, never to be seen again, into the endless void in with we call Wyoming. Unphased by the emotional breakdown of Michael Keaton, our heroes jumped the mightiest of jumps from the space needle to Old Faithful, 'cause they can do stuff like that. Ready for battle, Darren and Tom, with an earth shattering punch to the ground, Darren called upon the powers of a mighty stream to raise the battlefield and finish what Michael failed to do. Paralized by the unmidigating force that Darren excreted from his loins, the Joker could not comprehend the greatness with but one mind, forcing him to split in two. Without a moments hesitation Tom ripped off his shirt and released a maelstrom of hair from his mighty moustache imprisoning Chuck Norris. Perturbed by the fall of his comrade, Steven pushed Tom off of the edge of the battlefield, but using only his burly chest, Tom was able to save himself. As steven looks to Darren, Darren took his god-like fingers and let them flow through his lucious mane. As steven stares into awe inspiring figure standing before him, Darren takes action and dismembers Steven with his silky soft, but deadly hair, and with his dying breath Steven says, "I'm D.E.A. punks." With the calm surrounding our heroes, the ever powerful stream receded back to whence it came and awaiting Darren and Tom at the bottom was a throng of women and a feast unlike any other.
Tune in next week for fast-paced, edge of your seat action and emotion as our heros encounter another great evil group bent on destroying the very fabric which holds Darren McQueen together.